The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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