Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
