oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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