and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
