this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
