cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
