My hand turned me down
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
