he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
