i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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