How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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