I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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