fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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