Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
