Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
where am i from again
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize