Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
