I think I am morally bankrupt
You smell like stripper and shame
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
