Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
