fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Less talking, more tequila
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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