belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
