Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
