ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
