I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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