The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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