I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
