i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
The Olympian is in my bed
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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