please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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