Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize