What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
