i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You can't just leave with hair like that
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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