i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
