the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
