2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
