Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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