It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i drank out of a bidet.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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