I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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