haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
