We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
