I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
