You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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