It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
