you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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