she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
