just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
