i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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