What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Randomize
