i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
