Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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