I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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