I want to have your abortion
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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