I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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