I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
