You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
