This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
My balls are so social today.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
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