My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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