oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
