SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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