Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Randomize
