the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
