God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
