Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
