it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
