I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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