Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
