The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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