matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
