Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
