Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
