What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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