She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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