just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
