we have officially lost it.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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